My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
