I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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