Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
