Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
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My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
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Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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