i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I came so hard my ears popped.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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