my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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