umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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