he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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