once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
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After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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