there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
