I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
