And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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