why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
