His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
