Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize