I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
