He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
