I'm drive I can fine osifer
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
