how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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