last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
