he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she told me i tasted like america
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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