ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
