Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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