I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
