I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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