im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
