You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
