Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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