Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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