she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
