I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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