I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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