I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
