Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
