Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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