i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
