Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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