we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
