I'm going to jail i love you
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
