What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
