according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
