my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
