Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
