Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
