i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
