I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
