M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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