Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
