Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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