okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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