never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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