Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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