Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
