Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
