Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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