upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
