I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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