I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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