you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
