Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
In America we eat man semen.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
