Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
