Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
