Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
