i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
