That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
