Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
