So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
