I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
