Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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