I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
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I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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