Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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