haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
