I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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