Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
