So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
