i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
