Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
