Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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