i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
