it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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