I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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