know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
