Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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