fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
