could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
