I am in a vortex of obligation.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
